The economy is so bad that:
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
African television stations are now showing ' Sponsor an American
Child' commercials.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter
asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
My ATM gave me an IOU.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls
of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a
bank.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you
call them
and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the ¼-ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't' afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a
room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh Great...The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the
Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I
was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a
truck.